We’ve all heard a story about a sex reveal gone wrong. Sometimes there’s a problem at the party. Ya know, the gimmick doesn’t go as planned or it’s all a big prank. (We’re looking at you, Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian! How could you troll your wife, tennis legend Serena Williams, and 5-year-old daughter Olympia like that?) Sometimes one partner has an infuriating reaction to the sex of the baby.
And sometimes, the doctor actually (accidentally!) gets it wrong. Which, of course, is quite the delivery room shock!
We’ve heard of all of these, but what we’ve never heard of is a partner lying about the sex of a baby. But you know what they say, there’s a first time for everything!
A man joined the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit on Wednesday and we’re not surprised to see that his unbelievable post has garnered more than 9.1K upvotes and 3.7K comments in just 12 hours. He, the original poster (or “OP”), told the story of his wife’s truly outrageous lie, and honestly, we don’t know if we’ll ever be able to lift our jaws off the floor. Reddit is understandably freaking out over this inconceivable situation, and it’s just another reason for us to have trust issues.
OP wanted to share some background after he “reacted in ways [he’s] now questioning.”
“My childhood was a tumultuous one,” he wrote. “Growing up, I always craved a strong male figure in my life. I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son. My wife was aware of this deep-rooted desire.”
Learning The Sex
OP explained that during his wife’s early pregnancy appointments, he wasn’t able to go because he was on “essential business trips.” “These trips, though draining, are critical since I’m the only breadwinner, trying to ensure a different life for my child than I had.”
While he was gone, his wife’s “adopted mother” (Why did he feel the need to call her that?) went to the appointments with her.
“Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy,” OP said.
The couple then let stereotypical gender roles take the wheel. “We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, [and even decided to name] him after my late grandfather,” OP continued.
Sh*t Hit The Fan
A “chance remark” from OP’s mother-in-law made sh*t hit the fan. She “disclosed” that a baby girl was actually on the way.
“My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn’t tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings,” he said. “I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals. In my pain, I cleared out the nursery.”
Then, in a moment he said he regrets, OP told his MIL she isn’t welcome at upcoming family events since she was “part of the deceit.”
“I acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas,” he said. “I love my wife and regret my reactions, but I feel lost. AITA for how I responded?”
Redditors are in actual shock over this situation and have come to the agreement that everyone sucks here (“ESH”).
“I cannot imagine why she thought it would be less painful for you to think you were having a boy and then disappoint you later,” read the top comment which has more than 34K upvotes. “Getting your hopes up accomplishes nothing. That said…you very much did overreact in clearing out the nursery and disinviting her mother from coming over. This reaction is crazy and your talking about this pain and devastation surrounding having a girl is probably the reason she was afraid to tell you. Because she probably wants to be excited about this child and didn’t want to deal with you acting like it’s something devastating. Also, you are projecting wayyyy too much on an unborn child. What if you did have a boy, but he wasn’t as interested in this intense father-son relationship that you are craving? Can any real-life father-son relationship actually even live up to the one in your head that is supposed to heal your past wounds? Your kids are real people, don’t set them up for failure by having all these weird expectations for how they will better your existing traumas.”
And on it goes:
“The way OP is acting about having a daughter comes across like he’s going to have the same kind of relationship with her that he had with his own father. Little girls need their daddy to be their first male role model too.”
“Why would you pack up the nursery? You’re still having a baby. That baby will still need all the things in that nursery. Maybe this is a good chance for you to reconsider your attitudes to sex and gender – because, spoiler alert, the baby doesn’t care what color their clothes and blankets are.”
“Children aren’t emotional support animals. I’m guessing your wife lied because she was scared of your reaction and also wanted to save HER feelings because she knew you’d become a huge bummer once you found out. You need therapy immediately to deal with your issue.”
“OUR CHILDREN DO NOT EXIST TO FIX US. YOUR HAPPINESS IS NOT YOUR CHILD’S PURPOSE.”
“ESH. Your wife allowed you to develop a bond with a child who doesn’t exist. Asshole and just really stupid. How long did she think she was going to protect your feelings for?”
“You packed up the nursery and basically screamed to the world that a girl child is valueless, not worth preparing for or being excited about. I feel bad for your wife, and worse for your daughter.”
“[Her lying wasn’t okay] by any stretch of the imagination; she shouldn’t have, full stop. But I totally understand why she may have thought it was her best option, however misguided. And your actual overreaction kinda validated her reasoning to do it in the first place.”
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